Friday, April 24, 2009

U-Turn

As my pregnancy progressed I found myself revisiting the events and feelings of my first birth. I desperately wanted a totally different birth experience. I had fears of having a repeat c-section. I had confidence that I would have a successful VBAC but at the same time little thoughts of doubt would enter. I never was worried about the actual VBAC, I was worried about another birth happening in a different way than I had hoped and planned for.

Some doubts caused me to think what if I end up needing another c-section? I thought of the money it would cost because I would be paying for the midwives and then the hospital. I thought of my mental well being if I had to go through it all again. Those doubts would come and go throughout the beginning of my pregnancy.

So how did I overcome it? During my research I found out that even if I ended up with another c-section going through the labor was definitely beneficial to me and the baby. Also knowing that the baby was ready to be born rather than automatically scheduling a c-section when the baby might not be ready. I also realized that if I tried for a VBAC and for some reason it didn't work I would know that the c-section was absolutly necessary. I knew if I didn't try than I would always wonder if I could've done it. So there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to try.

3 comments:

  1. Stephanie from ChicagoMay 3, 2009 at 12:37 PM

    Thanks for sharing! I can't wait to read more of your posts as time goes on. I had an unplanned c-section in December 2008. I had planned a "minimum intervention" birthing strategy with my doctor. Due to preeclampsia, though, I had pitocin for 2 days, another procedure I don't remember the name of to force my cervix to dilate, a few hours of 90 second contractions 100 seconds apart (so just 10 seconds break), then I asked for an epidural, they broke my water with my permission and did internal fetal monitoring (there was already a lot going wrong), and when his heart rate was dropping severely for long periods both on and off the pitocin, they did a c-section. Turns out his cord was half the width of a normal cord and couldn't handle compressions, plus it was wrapped twice around his neck. My hindsight conclusion is that not all of the interventions were necessary, but the c-section was. However, I still had to grieve my loss of a vaginal birth and had trouble internalizing the connection between this beautiful baby boy in my arms (with whom I bonded just fine) and the pregnancy. I didn't push him out, and it seemed like someone had just given him to me. I don't know if I would have felt that way with a vaginal birth too, but it was strange. I don't plan to have another birth for awhile (my scar is still healing, for one, and I need to lose some weight to minimize the chances of having pre-e again), but I'm already preparing myself to work towards a VBAC.

    ReplyDelete
  2. PREACH! So glad you started this site. I'm remembering when we were all big and pregnant and sitting in the Starbucks talking about VBAC and now, healthy babies all around. How awesome is that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Stephanie, I'm so glad you found my blog---how did you come across it? Thank you so much for sharing your story and congrats on your baby! It is wonderful you are preparing yourself to work towards a VBAC with your next one. I wish you the best and if I can be of any help let me know!


    Kari---it was so fun getting to know you that first time we met and forming this bond as fellow VBAC mom's and developing a friendship. I would love for you to share your story on here!

    ReplyDelete